Tag Archives: story

Pyramid – Part One

22 Aug

The people in my apartment complex have always been rude to me and I’m never sure why that is.  My girlfriend and I don’t have loud sex, we don’t throw parties, and we watch TV at low levels so we don’t upset Early.  Early is my girlfriend’s wonderful parrot that wakes us up when the sun rises, squawking “I’m full, I’m full, I’m full”,  She gets out of bed and feeds it,  we have sex when she returns and we go back to bed.  That is the only time we have sex so I guess I should like the annoying animal, but it is just so damn loud.  She had Early when I moved in 2 years ago, and Early started repeating it’s “I’m full” chant a year ago, which was around the time I first suspected my girlfriend of seeing someone else.

The day it arrived started like all weekdays, she left me alone in the apartment where I work.  I review TV news programs.  All day I watch CNN, MSNBC, etc.  I watch them and review the stories, post them on my website, alongside the google ads that pay me .00000001 cents for every click.

My reviews are short and give people information on how accurate news stories may or may not be, how interesting they are to me, how informative, how much energy each anchor has on that particular day, do they seem nervous, do they seem like they are hiding something.  (It is my belief that one day all news anchors are going to be act slightly different as they tell us about the latest big news story.  On that day they are going to all be a little nervous, small sweats, nervous flickering of the eyes, impatient tapping of their feet reverberating though their bodies.  The tells a person gives away when they are lying).  I do a service that no one else does, I’m a TV news reviewer.  Funnily enough, my life was void of stories worth sharing until the pyramid appeared in my apartment.

When I walked out of the shower that late morning, drying my hair with a towel as I walked to turn on the news I almost tripped right into it.   (Maybe I did trip into it and just didn’t get swallowed up.) My towel dropped to the floor as I became mesmerized with the pyramid the size of a microwave inches from my face. When I stared into the blackness I didn’t think of Early who needed his wings cliped this week.

The pyramid was a black hole in my apartment.  The square base was parallel to the floor, hovering 5 feet over my living room rug. The tip of the pyramid was two feet above the base, right under my eye line.  It didn’t smell, it made no noise.  I shouted into it and it didn’t echo. I walked around it, surveying and inspecting. I waved my hands over the tip, around and under it.  Nothing was holding it up or was attached to it.  I reached out to touch it, my hand shaking and heart racing. I couldn’t go through with it, I couldn’t touch it.  I breathed on it, or actually what seemed like into it.  My breath went right into it.  What was this thing?


Self Experiment in Time: The Selfish Zone

20 Aug

I’ve been told I’m many things.  This one really struck me as it wasn’t really about me, but about where I am with relationships.  I give, I care for others, I know I’m not selfish, but is there a truth in it that keeps me from having a meaningful relationship with a woman?

Someone told me I was in a selfish zone.  This was explained to me as: all my time was focused on me, and that I didn’t share it with others and that is why I’m single, or most likely one of many reasons. I didn’t give enough of my time to the pursuit of social happiness which leads to socially finding a mate. I just don’t have meaningful time not worrying about what I’m doing and what I am doing next.  This is surviving in civilized/corporate world.

If time is my relationship killing enemy then I will need to find more of it.  24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, 100 years in a life (if you are lucky enough to have avoided swimming with sharks).

I can’t add any time to any day in my life, so let us analyze how I use the time given to me. Work and sleep take probably 95% of Monday through Friday.  Sleep, Movies/TV/Videogames, Drinking, Sunning, Eating take up 95% of Saturday through Sunday.  I am already easily missing Museums, Shopping (both clothes and grocery), Reading which should comprise of a good portion of my time.

In reality what was my day like…

Work Day:

Midnight – 7AM – Sleeping, Wakeup, Peeing, Water, Tossing, Turning, Sleeping

7AM – 9AM – Wake Up, Get out of bed, Running/Sleeping-more/TV, Shower, Dress, Sit in Car

9:30AM – 1PM – Work, Make Calls, Take Notes, Sell, Service, Try Not To Suck, Work

1PM – Lunch: 60% Personal (75% clearing my head, 25% social) 40% Work

2:30PM – 8PM: Work, Bathroom, Meeting, Calls, Almost Done Trying not to Suck, Work

8:30PM – 10PM: 50% Work Drinks, 25% Exercise, 25% Depressurize at home, alone.

11:00PM – 11:30PM: Brush Teeth, Bathroom Finale, Night Guard (stress), Mask, Fans, Bed

11:30PM – next day: Sleeping, Wakeup, Peeing, Water, Tossing, Turning, Sleeping

That was exhausting!  I’ll break down what kind of “free hours” I have in my work week, or maybe someone reading can do that.  please


Lets see what it is like this weekend.  Though it can vary it is really what this weekend will be. Sleeping, Watching TV/Movies, Eating.  I’m thinking 70% of my time. We shall see. (Cold Fire it isn’t)

Self Experiment – Craigslist Hookups update 2

12 Aug

I’ve waiting a couple days hoping for some exciting responses back to my craigslist experimental emails.  I send a couple pics I thought would be decent and non embarrassing responses.  Hoping for some explicit pictures sent back to me I log onto my email account.

8 email responses!  Score!

After reading through all of the responses, I realized I wasted my time.  All “women” wanted me to log onto some adult-sex-matching website to find them.  What was I missing? I thought I already found them on craigslist.  My initial European girl that emailed me right away wanted me to go to the website to get her phone number.  I did.  She wasn’t on the website, so I emailed her again. Surprise! She emailed me back.  She told me her account must have expired and to find her on another site.  I’m no dummy, this is a setup. I didn’t go to that site and didn’t email her back, even though she was attractive…ish.

If I had any readers of this blog I would ask if I should continue the experiment until I made it so far to meet someone.  I will leave you with a snippit of the original European woman’s email…

“hey again – I am interested in something thats long term, NSA. I kinda want to keep this discreet – my ex-boyfriend is kinda a psycho ever since we broke up. haha.. 3.5 year relationship. Anyways.. I don’t know if I told you or not yet, I have a daughter who is 22 months old, but she will always be sleeping by the time you come over…

This is my first time doing this kinda thing online – so Im kinda iffy about it.

I dont use any messengers – only one that I use at work…

i was hoping we could stay in contact from a free site if your interested in making it long term…. my profile is athttp://tracking.singlesnet.com/redirect/8400?sid= …. my profile name on there is “sexcbebe5964” I have my cell phone number on there – if you want to send me a text and we could get together tonight or tomorrow night – that would be great…. im signing off the computer now though, hope to hear from you.

I guess I am promoting the website by including it here, but you have been warned, the website is a waste of time.  Back to “normal dating”.

At The Movies – Baby Day

10 Aug

While running experiments on myself and those around me I do like to take some time off.  After waking up and almost going for a run I started watching TV, still a little hungover from a party night two days ago.  After a while I was hungry and needed a nice breakfast.

Showered and comfortably warm I grab a seat at the counter of a diner.  Bacon, Mushrooms, Cheese Omelet, with Hashbrowns and a bagel covered in cream cheese and jelly.

Malls have a weird feel at 11AM on a Monday.  Of the few people scattered about most are mall workers.  Then you have women, and old people.  All really walking for a purpose, not there for anything but to consume. Lots of fancy stores.

I buy my ticket to the 11AM show using the kiosk.  There are a lot more people in the movie theater, this place really should be dead, hell when I am here on the weekend for morning movies there are fewer people than those here.  I love movies and I go to a lot of them.  I work a lot of hours during the week and on the weekend I spend hours and hours at the movies.  You understand it is a spiritual obsession and experience, those pictures in a dark room.  All faces transfixed on the screen for 2 hours.

Does anyone realize that there is not single thing in this entire world where a group of people sit together watching the same thing while not talking or moving for two hours!

  • TV – maybe for 7 minutes at a time until a distraction pops up: kids, eating, ads, and finding the remote to skip the ads.
  • Sporting Event – Maybe for 3 minutes before a beer break, food break, piss break, timeouts, halftimes, TV timeouts, injury time out, whistles, fights and cheering.
  • School – maybe 8 minutes before a question is asked, a hand is raised, a failed attempt of enlightenment, and the smart kid blurting out the answer over you.

2 hours experiencing a unique and original story being blasted into your minds with a hundred people is something to really amazing.  Most everyone that goes to a film, loves the movies.  It moves us, brings us closer in the questions they raise, the discussions, arguments, the emotional movements it causes within, how much emotion we laugh out, or tears we try to hold back.  It is special.

Which is why there are very certain things I like about my movies. You can only imagine my OCD.

In the lobby of the theater there are thousands of mothers with babies. Quite literally maybe only 30 to 50 adults, but I go to the movies a lot and I have never seen this place this crowded.  What is going on.  I walk to the kiosk to get my ticket a little confused.  I am happy to find out that the movie I am going to see is in one of the big theaters, my lucky day.

So on my Monday morning off sick from work, about to enjoy a supposedly good movie I run into a couple friends’ wives.  They might be confused as to why I am not at work, but I am much more confused as to why they are pushing their newborns in strollers to the movies.

After clarifying that they are taking their babies to “Mommy Movies” I get a little worried.  I know that this theater hosts one movie a week where mothers, partners, luckily fathers take their babies to the movies.  The thinking is that they can all cry during the movie and no one will yell at them, because they will be too busy attending to their children.

After catching up with my friends we make our way to the theater, walking slowly as they are pushing their strollers.

As we give our ticket stubs to the theater attendant collecting our tickets I realize I am going to the same movie as my friends, their babies, and all the other babies in the ticketing area.  They laugh at me, and at the serious concern I have on my face.  One mommy asks the other mommy, “I wonder if they are going to leave the lights on again.”

WHAT! Leave the lights on in a movie theater?  I get annoyed when the Exit signs are too bright.  That is why I bring a hat, to push close around my eyes to give me direct view to the screen.   My concern grows, I am not listening to them talk, my day off has become a disaster.  There are no other movies at this time to watch, it’ll be another hour until the same movie is playing in another, smaller, theater.  I’m so worried I walk pass the concession stand.  My eyes are darting around the theater as if I were a cornered animal looking desperately for an escape route.

We are at our movie theater’s entrance. But wait! Before we go in they have to park the strollers.  Yes, and this is amazing. My two friend park their strollers in a roped off area, behind 30 other strollers.  Madness at the movies!

They grab their babies, pink, fluffy back back full of baby care items ready for the movie.  We walk into my temple and there isn’t much noise coming from the seating area, must be all asleep or not as big a turn out as I thought.

The dark corridor opens up to the massive 300-400 seat theater. It is packed.  Mostly mommies, but some daddies too, craddeling their babies have invaded my sanctuary.  I really thought I could sit through this.  I look around trying to find a good spot to sit, away from the babies, but it is wall to wall baby action.  I can not deal with this.

As my friends scope out their seats, I don’t even know where would be a good location, I take some small steps backwards, mumbling to them that I can’t handle it.  They understand they say.  I act a little embarrassed, they laugh at my awkwardness and as I turn to leave it gets worse.

At the side of the theater there is a diaper changing station.

Seriously? They can’t take the babies to the bathroom to do that?  On top of the what is to for sure be a theater full of crying babies (how can they not at the awesome levels the sound will be cranked up to), the smell of the diaper station will fill the fully lit theater.

I stumble out of the theater, thinking of sneaking into another movie, but I just can’t do it.  My life was just rocked.  I don’t have the energy to deal with it and walk out.  I get my refund from Customer Service, happens all the time they say.  Really? I drove all the way here to see that horror show and you knew it was a possibility? No warning?  Amazing.

I may never go into theater #2 again.  I’ll go back to the movies alright, but not theater #2, not without sweating and anxiety.  Not without worrying what mess was made under and on my seat.  Lesson learned Oh movie Gods.  Don’t skip work on Mondays, watch movies on the weekend as they were supposed to be enjoyed. Not on Mommy Movie Mondays.

Self Experiment – Craigslist Hookups update 1

9 Aug

Got my first reply from a good looking European girl. We sent a couple emails back and forth, till she told me to email her through a dating website. She also said she had crazy ex-boyfriend so we needed to be discreet. But that shouldn’t be a problem because her 22 month child would be asleep by the time I got over.

Lets see. A Russian girl from craigslist wants me to come over at night to nail her, but we can’t wake the baby up and there will always be the threat of a psycho boyfriend/father coming over and killing me? Not what I am looking for.

Another girl emailed me saying she loves to give blow jobs but I would need to find her through some adult friend finder site.

Looks like craigslist isn’t a supply of easy/casual encounters, but full of plants from dating websites. (Also I think some are selling themselves but I haven’t run into them yet) I will post any updates on responses back but I think it is going to lead no where. Which is a very good thing.

Self Experiment – Craigslist Hookups

9 Aug

I created an email account to test out the casual relationships section of craigslist.  I figure I haven’t hooked up in a while and there are plenty of people out there looking for easy no strings attached fun.  Sending pics in exchange for pics on their side.

There are actually a lot of people online looking to do this.  I decide to email girls 20-30.  Nothing to crazy or desperate.  All girls in the casual section want pics and a little description, I just send pics and wait and see.  Some girls need big cocks, some haven’t done it before, some claim they are hot and lonely.  None post their own pics or names.

I sent about 15 emails out.  Can’t wait to see if they send pics back, if they are real, and if they are looking for money. I’m not sure I will go through with it, but I if you want a discrete relationship you can’t use Facebook and your friends, the AdultFriendfinder type websites are expensive.  So here I am, not getting sex, trying to find random lonely women.

I hope this is safe.

Self Experimenting – Fake Viagra

7 Aug

I’ve recently started dating to try to add depth to my life. And when I say dating I mean taking girls out for drinks and expecting to sleep with them. I am old fashioned in the sense that I think you should take a girl out to dinner and a movie and woo them several times before you sleep with them. But I really think that if I had sex I would be happier, and I really don’t want to delay that. So without being aggressive, I’ve been trying to have sex.

I haven’t had sex in a year. And in the last two years I have only had sex twice. Both times are good stories I hope to share at some point.

Last night I thought sex was a sure thing. The girl had asked me to go to drinks after hanging out with her two times, the first I got her really drunk and in my bed but didn’t have sex. She didn’t want to and I was a little afraid to. It has been a long time. That was 2 months ago.

In that time I was flipping through a Maxim ad, the ones in the back that are all about sex and how to enhance it to perform like models or porn stars. I didn’t know you could order prescription drugs online.

I ordered fake viagra called Filagra. 2 two weeks later it came to my apartment in a small white non de-script envelope. I happened to be home from work to sign for it, I am never home from work. Already an exciting sign.

The pills came from India, I looked them up online and being an experimental guy decided I might use them.

Last night before going out I cut out a chewable banana flavored Filagra, just in case. I put it in my pocket with a 3 pack of Trojans. This pretty much guaranteed no sex for me. I guess it is a psychological and subconscious fuckover that happens. Because you think you will have sex, you do everything possible to turn the girl off and screw up any chance you had. I even texted a buddy that I was going to get in there. Triple Jinx.

Now I don’t have a problem getting an erection.  I thought these Indian pills would help me recover and stay in the game. Again it had been a long time and the mind really controls the body, including my penis.

At the bar, we are about to leave after having a really good time (lie), it was an okay time. Pretty much me listening to her while wishing and hoping I didn’t say anything stupid to ruin where the night was leading. It was looking good, surprise.

By the way, I realized something while talking to this woman. Everyone knows about beer goggles. Everyone knows what they can do to normal/unattractive women. I realized last night what they can do to a very attractive and confident women. It makes them super women, super models. They begin to glow and makes it hard to concentrate on anything else but how hot they have become. It is very distracting and hard to follow the conversation. At this point it is time to leave.

In the bar’s bathroom, I briefly debate on what this pill I ordered from India would do to me. With no FDA regulations and no hard evidence it wouldn’t stop my heart or send me to the ER with a pulsating never ending erection, I popped it out and chewed it. Any guys knows that if you can make sex better you did it at all costs. Everyone makes bad decisions when drinking, especially when you think with your dick, no matter how flaccid it is.

We end up in front of her place, in my car, continuing to chat. Chatting way too long while her nice apartment is only steps away gets me thinking. Why girls don’t understand what guys want to do at the end of the date is strange. At least we think that, but in reality women do and they are just as awkward about it as we are.

I invite myself up for a drink, a bold move but one I think she likes. Or maybe she is just annoyed. We don’t totally click but there is some sort of chemistry which I believe is the desperation of sex. We both need it and we both know it. But our need for sex doesn’t draw us together, just makes the possibility of first time sex weirder.

We end up watching TV, not my recommendation. I make an uncharacteristically rude comment, more sarcasm than rude but it kills the night. We politely watch TV for the next hour, I try to kiss her and is reminded about my comments, and an hour later I excuse myself.

We strangely make out at the door before I drive away. This just makes me wonder if I fucked up and I still could have slept with her. I hate how much I think.

The whole time I don’t feel much change in my body, and am actually not even thinking about the Indian drugs trying to fill my penis. I don’t really know how Viagra works, but this stuff doesn’t give you an instant erection. I drive home curious and almost excited about masturbating. I enjoy it. What will this pill do? I wanted to self experiment with the pill before trying it out live with a woman, so I would know what to expect. Boy am I lucky she rejected me, or I rejected myself, I still don’t know what happened. I’m a pussy.

At home in bed I start watching some porn. Trying to masturbate without it would be a disaster because I would think of the epic fail that just occurred and would end up crying myself to sleep.

It was good but not great. Fully erect it wasn’t bigger or stronger. Just there. It went well, it was normal.

In the middle of the night I woke up my heart racing, sinuses backed up, headache. The side effects hit. I knew about the heart racing, but it was frightening. What if I had a heart attack, most guys that die of a heart attack from Viagra or fake Viagra are with a woman at the time. Someone to save them or report the death to the police. I had no one. Can you imagine after 3-4 days, the time I think someone would break down my door looking for me, (no comment on whether that is a good or bad amount of time), they would find me with an empty Viagra pill case in my pocket and a sock around my now shriveled dick. That scared the shit out of me. It didn’t really, but did depress me a bit.

I grabbed some water and went back to bed.

In the morning my heart was normal and I was horny again. Decided to try another go at it while it was in my system but without the porn. Who to fantasise about? After thinking through a couple past sex sessions, I landed on the girl from last night. The truly extreme fantasy that she would call me up and wanted me to come over that morning and have sex with her. The sex would be great.

I was strangely hard the entire time. My mind drifts a lot, and when I masturbate without porn I get distracted and usually think of either other girls or weird shit. It usually takes another girl to pop into my head, forming a nice threesome to get me back on track. Not this time. As my mind drifted I stayed hard.

What a revelation! The Indian stuff works. Aside from the heart racing and allergic reaction this could prove helpful to girls wanting to have multiple sex sessions with me.

The night was a success and I didn’t have to wake up to annoying morning small talk.